Last week I was out to drinks with two new-ish girlfriends for a little cocktail bonding session. Halfway through our drinks my ex texted me out of the blue – so of course it came up in conversation.

As I read out his name BOTH of them laughed. Turns out all of us has had relations with this man. One of my friends shouted out “Oh we’re spit sisters!”

First of all ‘eww!’ whatever that is it sounds a bit gnarly, and second of all, what the heck is a spit sister?

Well, dear reader, according to the Urban Dictionary a spit sister is “usually a friend and another friend (both female) that have hooked up with the same guy but at different times.”

Yes, it would appear that all three of us were indeed spit sisters. And they are not the only ones I share a mutual ‘spit’ with (I know, eww, that term) I have quite a few in the sisterhood.

Take for example the guy I went on a date with last week who I met on an app. He was halfway through telling a story about a recent overseas birthdays trip when I quickly connected the dots.

“Wait, do you know (insert female friends name here),” I said.

He said yes, and I instantly felt a pang of doom. He was the guy she had been complaining about a month ago when out of the blue he suddenly went cold on her post-overseas trip. Gaaaah, here I was sitting opposite him on a date. Awkward.

Oh, and don’t even get me started on the famous guy who had been chatting me up in my DMs recently. He suddenly did a plot twist and asked my friend out after he saw her in some of my pics and decided she was a better option. I’m ashamed to say the rejection hit my fragile ego hard. **sigh

Basically, Sydney is one sordid hot mess of a dating scene right now. Especially if you are over 30 because there is more chance you’ve dated the same guys as your friends. Talking to a friend today about it, she laughed and said that’s why she had to leave her country town. She realised she had dated all the good ones, and so had her friends.

Come to think of it, I’ve got a couple of spit sisters in the town I grew up in as well.

Now, for those of you shacked up and not part of this tribe, I’m sure you would be horrified to date someone who has dated your friend – but honestly, its unavoidable. (Especially in the Bondi bubble.)

With a fair chunk of people in their 30s and 40s already married, the dating pool is far smaller than it was in our 20s. So, there’s bound to be some cross over. In fact, one of my closest friends got engaged to my ex last year and I’m chuffed for them.

A few years ago, I probably wouldn’t have been but the more you date in the city or town you currently reside in, the more you realise there’s going to be cross over. So rather than actively try and avoid dating people your friends may have pashed in a nightclub years ago, you may as well just accept it.

Now obviously there are exceptions to this rule, for example you absolutely shouldn’t date the guy who broke your best friends heart, or any guy who your friend is still crushing on, but if you meet a guy who just went on a few dates with one of your mates, or had a one-night stand, or pashed in a pub, then I think it’s fair game.

The key to successfully navigating this dilemma is communication. Yep, you’re going to have to have a slightly awkward conversation with your friend if you want to start dating someone they’ve been with.

And be prepared for them to give you a full reference check about the guy that may not necessarily be good – especially if the guy was the one to break it off. Or acted like a bit of an F-boy. But always go with your gut feeling. If it doesn’t work out, at least you’ve got a mutual thing to bond over later.

One thing my friends and I do now is send a screenshot of the guy we’re about to go on a date with and say: “anyone been there?” Like good girl scouts, we’re always prepared.

So hopefully you will be able to do what I did with my two new girlfriends when faced with the spit sister realisation. Have a good laugh about it, and then spill the tea.

Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking

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